April 6

“advice to my middle school self”

You will not always feel like an alien.
At some point you will also stop telling people
you are trying to contact the mothership
by twisting your earrings around on the dashboard of your ears.

When you wish your boobs rivaled Angela’s
Stop it.
When they bloom brighter than hers, do note berate yourself.
It is not your fault.

When Mr. Filer tells you
you can’t wear the purse you pack with embarrassment
– a toothbrush, pads, and braces rubber bands –
to his algebra class,
do not cry. Do not unzip anything.

When Mr. Boyd tells you girls are only good for cartwheels and somersaults,
research Title IX.
Even though you will never win a single wrestling match on the PE mats,
you will triumph.

When Kim asks you at Cassie’s slumber party if you are a prude,
do not ask what this means.
Pretend to be asleep.
While the other girls list boys
they would like to kiss,
always choose Dare.
Do not tell them how your insides sparked
every time Erika unfurled her lips in science class the day
you learned about heat convection.
Even though you will invoke his name like salvation,
the girls do not know that you do not actually know Kevin.
You do not need to carry a concealed camera on the last day of school
to convince them that you like him.
That’s called overcompensating, and it’s creepy.

When Logan calls you a know-it-all, do not turn cherry-cheeked.
Do not give him the answers to the Spanish homework.

When Jens tells you he has a secret and the first letter is G,
the next two letters are A and Y.
When you finally figure this out,
do not then shout “You’re gay?! COOL!” when the hallway
is cluttered with students.
But do hug him.

When Loraina asks you if you’re a Christian,
do not say yes, because then she will ask you what denomination you are
and there is no denomination that celebrates
Kwanzaa, Yom Kippur, Dia de los Muertos, and Solstice.
Invent your own gods. Give them Latin names.
Listen when she tells you about heaven,
but object when she tells you Jens’ boyloving heart is captained by demons.
She will not do it again.

When your brother makes you mad,
do not kick him in the balls. He will punch you back.
Steal one piece of his Halloween candy instead.

Stop wearing that goddamn jingle bell on your shoe.
And stop telling people it’s there so you don’t lose yourself.
Losing yourself and finding yourself are pretty much the same thing
and neither require constant noise.

When Cam walks around shirtless to let the
henna paste dragon dig its two-week-long claws into the cave wall of her back,
do not stare.
When at 3am she falls asleep in the crevice between your chest and your arms,
remember to breathe.
When you are absolutely totally one hundred percent sure everyone else is asleep
whisper a kiss into her hair; she will not wake up
but everything inside of you will suddenly sunrise, and even though
you know that the universe is expanding at the rate of 71 kilometers per second per Megaparsec
this will be the first time
your heart understands exactly what the universe is going through.